Listen now | I recently recorded my first guest podcast episode for SKNFLUENCR with celebrity hairstylist Josh Liu. In a segment where we were talking about mental health & immigrant parents, Josh said that when he was younger, he told his parents that he was “sad” (an alternative word for “
(Gotta go listen!) And immigrant? Try *black as well!
The most out of pocket thing said to me that simultaneously solidified my decision to leave my FAMILY’S version of Christianity and to NEVER fully open up to family again was when I was reflecting on my first breakup (from a partner of almost 4 years) with my mom.
It had been over half a decade since we had broken up and both of us were fine, still cool with each other, families still talked if we ran into each other…
And I talked about the state I was in… How I cried myself to sleep, how I carried pills in my backpack during college in case I couldn’t take that looming dark cloud any longer and could confidently “escape” from anywhere…
How I tried EVERYTHING to make the feeling go away (journaling, crying, praying, being with friends, sleeping)…
And she said, “you obviously didn’t pray.”
“WHAT??”
“It wasn’t like you were married so it shouldn’t have impacted you like that anyway. But God heals all so you clearly didn’t turn to God and pray… otherwise you wouldn’t have felt like that.”
“….. I said I DID pray.”
“Well you didn’t pray good enough.”
I was APPALLED and HURT for her to be so dismissive about my past pain and to be so brainwashed by her belief system that she couldn’t fathom that anyone actually did the Christian thing and it DIDN’T work.
Yeah, a few years before that happened I was experiencing a spiraling depression that scared me so much, I wanted therapy.
I was a car-less commuter in college so I had no control over how long I could stay… but calling the therapy office meant that they’d randomly call back to ask questions so I could make my first real appointment.
Of course they called while I was with my mom at a JC Penney…
I tried to hide by a clothes rack and whisper to them, but it didn’t work.
When I got off the phone, my mom had overheard and interrogated me until I called back and cancelled the appointment.
She was saying things like “you’re just spoiled, that’s your problem. You have NOTHING to be ‘depressed about.’ What’s going on for you to feel ‘depressed’? Stop acting white.”
I think she was just hurt that I didn’t come to her about EVERYTHING (I was learning WAY before then that I needed to keep conversations a bit shallow within my family).
But I felt so so trapped when that happened.
The final straw was the first incident I wrote about.
Oh, man. The "stop acting white" or "that's a white people problem" is one of the things that I hate about the way communities of color address mental health and depression. There's so many things to unpack. I'm so sorry all of this happened to you! I hope you were eventually able to get your therapy appointment 🥺❤️ Sometimes a professional is the only person you can talk to about this type of stuff.
(((Also YES the stigma around mental health and just taking care of yourself mental is SUUUCH a stigma, right?!
And yeah! Finally able to get therapy over a decade later but better late than never!
I had to sneak and go the messaging route so it wasn’t as impactful as it could’ve been but I just think about the day I’m in my own place and can come and go as I please around family and be alone so I can talk to a therapist aaaall alone without worrying about eavesdropping!)))
It was over a decade ago but it was definitely a turning point in my life and how I decided to show up for myself in a way that made sense to me.
And I did! I’m 30 and was finally able to get therapy last last year for the first time thanks to an artist on IG sponsoring some people for a free month of therapy.
Ever since I graduated college, I’ve been caregiving for my mom and trying to make online business work. Now shit’s kinda hit the fan and I’m at my wit’s end being around everyone 24/7 and the stagnancy in my life with no respect behind why that is.
Soooo, I left therapy, kept the contact info for my therapist cause I really loved her, and am putting anything I can back into a “freedom fund” and maybe a birthday tattoo this summer!
Laser-focused on my future now and happy to be excited and actually able to visualize a future for myself now!
(Gotta go listen!) And immigrant? Try *black as well!
The most out of pocket thing said to me that simultaneously solidified my decision to leave my FAMILY’S version of Christianity and to NEVER fully open up to family again was when I was reflecting on my first breakup (from a partner of almost 4 years) with my mom.
It had been over half a decade since we had broken up and both of us were fine, still cool with each other, families still talked if we ran into each other…
And I talked about the state I was in… How I cried myself to sleep, how I carried pills in my backpack during college in case I couldn’t take that looming dark cloud any longer and could confidently “escape” from anywhere…
How I tried EVERYTHING to make the feeling go away (journaling, crying, praying, being with friends, sleeping)…
And she said, “you obviously didn’t pray.”
“WHAT??”
“It wasn’t like you were married so it shouldn’t have impacted you like that anyway. But God heals all so you clearly didn’t turn to God and pray… otherwise you wouldn’t have felt like that.”
“….. I said I DID pray.”
“Well you didn’t pray good enough.”
I was APPALLED and HURT for her to be so dismissive about my past pain and to be so brainwashed by her belief system that she couldn’t fathom that anyone actually did the Christian thing and it DIDN’T work.
Yeah, a few years before that happened I was experiencing a spiraling depression that scared me so much, I wanted therapy.
I was a car-less commuter in college so I had no control over how long I could stay… but calling the therapy office meant that they’d randomly call back to ask questions so I could make my first real appointment.
Of course they called while I was with my mom at a JC Penney…
I tried to hide by a clothes rack and whisper to them, but it didn’t work.
When I got off the phone, my mom had overheard and interrogated me until I called back and cancelled the appointment.
She was saying things like “you’re just spoiled, that’s your problem. You have NOTHING to be ‘depressed about.’ What’s going on for you to feel ‘depressed’? Stop acting white.”
I think she was just hurt that I didn’t come to her about EVERYTHING (I was learning WAY before then that I needed to keep conversations a bit shallow within my family).
But I felt so so trapped when that happened.
The final straw was the first incident I wrote about.
Oh, man. The "stop acting white" or "that's a white people problem" is one of the things that I hate about the way communities of color address mental health and depression. There's so many things to unpack. I'm so sorry all of this happened to you! I hope you were eventually able to get your therapy appointment 🥺❤️ Sometimes a professional is the only person you can talk to about this type of stuff.
(((Also YES the stigma around mental health and just taking care of yourself mental is SUUUCH a stigma, right?!
And yeah! Finally able to get therapy over a decade later but better late than never!
I had to sneak and go the messaging route so it wasn’t as impactful as it could’ve been but I just think about the day I’m in my own place and can come and go as I please around family and be alone so I can talk to a therapist aaaall alone without worrying about eavesdropping!)))
Thank you!
It was over a decade ago but it was definitely a turning point in my life and how I decided to show up for myself in a way that made sense to me.
And I did! I’m 30 and was finally able to get therapy last last year for the first time thanks to an artist on IG sponsoring some people for a free month of therapy.
Ever since I graduated college, I’ve been caregiving for my mom and trying to make online business work. Now shit’s kinda hit the fan and I’m at my wit’s end being around everyone 24/7 and the stagnancy in my life with no respect behind why that is.
Soooo, I left therapy, kept the contact info for my therapist cause I really loved her, and am putting anything I can back into a “freedom fund” and maybe a birthday tattoo this summer!
Laser-focused on my future now and happy to be excited and actually able to visualize a future for myself now!